I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
