Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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