he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
