I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
