this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
