i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
