I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
