We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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