I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
