I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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