Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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