I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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