Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
