I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
