Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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