So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize