Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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