So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
