Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
