ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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