Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
