I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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