Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
