i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
