how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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