i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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