i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
