No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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