I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
