to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
