thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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