I bet he comes in French.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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