I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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