if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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