'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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