Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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