Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
