somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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