Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
