I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
