She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
