Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
PANTIES FOUND
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