Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
