You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
