Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
