I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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