Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
