At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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