I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need water and some morals
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
