1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
