Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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