i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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