Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You ate ashes out of my bong
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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