Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
