I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize