Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this boner is exhausting
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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