am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
