remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
