Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
