Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
