and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize