dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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