her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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