She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You are a genius and a whore.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
