the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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