i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
